There are moments in a person's life when you must make a decision that you know is going to effect the outcome of basically everything else you do beyond that point and will likely change the course of your life on the whole.

I've spent the majority of my adult life trying to avoid these moments.

It's not that I hate change so much, but I tend to be so over-analytical when it comes to figuring out my own life that choosing often leaves me wondering what I am missing out on by passing up another oppurtunity. Even if I'm sure that what I'm doing is right, a big part of me wonders "would I still have been able to make it work for me even if I chose the wrong path?"

It's something that is hardwired into me that it often leaves me unhappy and keeps me up at night worrying about what I should be doing with my life. No matter what I've done, what I've acheieved, I always no I could be doing more ... and doing it better.

In certain cases this attitude helps me excel. It pushes me to work hard and acheieve as much as I can. In other ways it just makes me lazy. After all, why try to acheieve when I know I'm never going to accomplish everything I want to do? Why not just give up now and play some Xbox...

It's a strange and often complicated dichotomy which can be my fatal flaw in many situations, social, professional, and otherwise.

I get so caught up in this mix of personal perfectionism that I often forget that if I could just muster the confidence to act like I've got it all together, then no one else would even notice all the things that are "wrong."

If I could just hide all my insecurities behind a wall of arrogance or an air of entitlement or a false sense of fulfillment like a lot of people do then maybe I'd fit right in with the crowd and making connections wouldn't be such an uphill battle. However after years of being pushed aside by people who'd rather run right over someone like me -- who wears their insecurities on their sleeve -- than stop to care how they feel for a single second, it's hard to make the effort to put up that front and act like I'm someone I'm not.

I'm just me, and I always have been. I'm not sugar-coated or tailor-made for any situation. I'm just a guy who wants to make things look nice and one who needs provide for his family. I just want to be able to go out and do the BEST work I can do, come home and chill out, play video games, listen to some tunes and have a beer.

But now it seems I've reached the perfect storm of situations that will put all of what I am to the test. Not only do I need to make a life-altering decision about where to go with my career, but in doing so I likely also need to put aside some of the base parts of who I am for the greater good of myself and my family.

I need to be a man, put aside all the insecurity and doubt about whether I'm doing the right thing and just trust that I'm smart enough to make a solid plan for my future if I just put my mind to it.

This may not mean taking any drastic action or changing my lifestyle greatly in the short term, but what it does mean is that I need to start THINKING differently about where to go from here.

• I need to start making the connections I've been ignoring for all these years.
• I need to start putting others' needs before my own and learning to be happy with it.
• I need to stop letting people make me feel like I'm less important than them.
• I need to find a way to sell myself and define what exactly it is that I can do that makes so special.
• I need to set the foundation for the life I will be building for the next 10 (...or 20...or 30) years.

Even in typing this list it seems like a lot to choke down in just a few days, but one thing is for sure: If I don't start now it's not going to get any easier to change these things down the road.